You don't know jackassery

Way out in a small town in Iowa, past the lake and through the evergreens is a barren field, littered with bones and filled with wooden crosses. It is the domain of the zombie donkeys. Feasting on the flesh of unfortunate hikers and erecting symbols of their idol, Zombie Jesus, these asses of the undead will bray long into the night, braaaaa-iiiiiinsss, braaaa-iiiiinsss.

Brave warrior, Be wary and don't heed their call.

Blessed Blood

Unearthed in a recently discovered art cache belonging to Pope Cornelius, controversial painting depicts Mary as a vampire. It suggests that our Lord did not die from a spear to the side, but by being sucked dry.

When current Pope, Benedict XVI, was asked for a comment he answered simply "well, that would explain the Zombie Jesus".