Apple hysteria caused by heroin!

Now it all becomes clear! The good folks at ifixit.com just did what they do best - they took a very nice piece of tech, and they pulled it apart like hyperactive monkeys on crystal meth. Normally they find - stuff. Parts, wires, a battery... Stuff. And it makes them wet when they find that stuff, believe me. BUT this time they found the secret sauce that fuels the Apple addiction... Three needles full of Afghanistan Ambrosia - the Jihad Juice - oh, Heavenly Heroin. Experts believe that the narcotic seeps into your skin through the touch screen interface.

I'll be buying one as soon as possible!